Can I use a knife?

Ace here...

So I keep bringing to you, the readers of our blog, proof that I think Jammie wants to kill me. If her telling me that she hates me everyday, or that she takes me to workout bootcamp is not enough, let me give you exhibit C....

It's an early Monday morning. Ace and Jammie are "working" on some assessment crap in her office. Okay, Ace was telling her to put swear words in the survey and Jammie was typing away at her computer completely ignoring Ace. Apparently Jammie likes her job and does not want to join Ace in the world of the unemployed bums. Who would have guessed! The conversation then turned to a friend who recently was in the hospital. Ace commented... "I know of a lot of people that have been in the hospital lately. scary." To that Jammie replied, "You better not have to go to the hospital." To that Ace could have only one comeback... "um you forget that I'm an uninsured bum right now. If I got sick or had to go to the hospital... well we just couldn't take me. If I get hurt just do the easiest thing... just shoot me. like a horse." Instead of the sympathetic reply she was hoping for Ace instead heard this.... Jammie: "I don't have a gun. Can I use a knife?" Ace exploded... "What the crap?! The whole point is to give me a quick painless death not to gut me. Geeze! What the crap? It's true... you want to kill me! I'm blogging about this... actually I'm blogging about this right now. Geeze Jammie! Ouch, really a knife."

So if this was a clue game here would be my guess... Prof. Jammie, in the office, with a KNIFE!

I got nothin...

I haven't really blogged much. Lets just say... Wisconsin trip was a bust. Not at all what I was expecting. I mean seriously we didn't eat cheese till I was sick, no one wanted to go cow tipping, and everything shrunk (the city, my old bedroom, my dads hairline... shrunk). After such disappointment I decided to come home early. Which is sad since we will never know what would have happened with Ace, Jams and Parker locked in the same car for 22 hours. That would have given us blog material for a hundred years. Now we can only imagine (C2 please don't) what might have been.

So get this (Jams doesn't even know this yet because I was too embarrassed to tell her) I missed our exit when I drove back into Utah. I know! How crazy is that!?! After 19 hours in the car by myself here is what happened...

(Ace completely singing at the top of her lungs to a Backstreet Boys song) "Show me the meaning of being lonely.... oh crap where am I... oh crap I just missed the exit... (still talking out loud) Seriously Trescott, that was a dumb move. Oh crap I'm talking to myself out loud and not in my head anymore. I can't believe I missed the exit. Seriously how long have I lived here? Jammie is so never going to let me live this down. Its gonna end up in her next post. Oh well... at least now I'll get to finish the song.... Backstreets back, ALRIGHT!"

You would think that our first night back we would talk each others ears off. Instead I cried, from pure exhaustion, and went to bed. I know! Pathetically lame. Night number 2... I realized Jammie really does hate me. I mean not like this cute little come back line... "I hate you"... when you do something to annoy her. No she really hates me and wants me dead. She pretty much has planned my funeral. True story. Get this... she made me go to this workout boot camp thing. Five minutes into the dang thing I figured out her plot to end my life. So SAT department if you don't see me around on Tuesday then you will know that you aught to question Jammie. I don't think I'll ever walk again at the very least. Sad.

So yeah... I really have nothin to talk about on this blog. Just a little randomness. You may all have fun once again because I am back. So go about being your fun little selves.

Ace

Shortest post ever...

Ace is coming home!!!!! Yay!!! I missed her face, and her department (yes, Student Affairs Technology is already her department) is mean to me when she's gone.

That's it. The End. (yay!)

the day Ace almost died

The serious account of the day Ace found out how close she was to dying.

It was rainy... as were all the other days that Ace was in Wisconsin. Foreboding blanketing the landscape and despair like a mist in the air. Okay... well maybe it was just cold and rainy. Typical Wisconsin. I had driven all the way from Utah and about mid-way I started hearing this clunky clicky noise. Much like the sound when you stuck a baseball card in your bike tire as a kid... just a little louder. Like a typical woman... I ignored the noise. Because the best course of action when you don't understand something is to ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist. BUT... the noise kinda freaked me out when I was driving to Chicago with my sis-in-law. So on the night before I was supposed to leave wisconsin for the long trek back to utah I figure I should probably ask someone about the noise.

Ace thinking: hummm... who should I call? I need someone who is smart on cars, can weld, and probably has a degree in "teaching kids shop class."

Ace looking at her phone: humm.... I don't know if I know anyone like that.

Ace scrolling through the "J's" in my phone book: Oh my gosh.. I wonder if Jammie knows someone.

well, in fact Jammie actually knew the problem with my car and suggested I take it in to get checked out. So early the next morning I went into the shop. 30 minutes later the mechanic comes out and askes me to follow him into the shop. He proceeds to tell me that all of the bolts on my breaks were loose. 2 bolts had completely fallen off. With a good slam on my breaks it would have been likely that several more would have fallen off since all the bolts could be tightened or loosened with his fingers. He explained that he had never seen something like this. And then he said...

"I don't want to scare you or anything, but I don't know how you made it this far. You are lucky. Really lucky to be alive."

Let's just say the dumb-butt who did my 60,000 mile inspection and didn't tighten the bolts on my car and I are going to have words. Serious words when I get back. And that is the story of how I found out that I almost died.

Ace

PS. The adventures of Ace in Wisconsin has been cut a little short. I'm currently in MN and should be back in Utah by Monday. So get ready for some new installments of the adventures of ace and jammie.

Jammie's Weekend (alternative title: Ace's Shoes)

Jammie here...I have decided to share a few things I learned this weekend while the guru was in town... 

1.  We live in a rainforest.

I'm pretty sure that I have forgotten what the sun looks like, and I've decided that Utah has two seasons: winter & the rainy season.  I even consulted Wikipedia (the obvious expert on such matters as weather) to see what it thought about this odd weather, and  I would like to share my favorite quote from this expert source: "Summers [in Utah] are hot and dry, with highs frequently reaching 95°F (35°C), with a few days per year reaching 100°F (38°C). Rain is provided in the form of infrequent thunderstorms during summer, usually between mid-July and mid-September during the height of monsoon season." I haven't yet decided if Utah is confused or if Wikipedia lies.  I prefer the first option as I put a lot of trust into Wikipedia.

2.  You should always have Reese's on standby.

Yesterday (Saturday), the guru and I managed to hike Waterfall Canyon, get pedicures and manicures, get the guru's hair dyed, buy dresses, and go to a wedding (for which we borrowed Ace's shoes [thanks Ace!]...this allowed for her spirit to attend the wedding).  This is quite impressive especially considering that we did all of this on two granola bars and one piece of cold pizza (me) and a Cliff bar (guru).  Needless to say, at approximately 6 p.m., our stomachs were eating our kidneys...this is where guru came the the rescue with Reese's.  These individually wrapped rounds of chocolaty, peanut butter goodness saved our lives, which is why I share this valuable information with you.  

3.  If you don't know anything about wine, make it up.

I thought I'd share with you my thoughts on describing wine.  First off, I love wine.  I think that it's absolutely fabulous and should be incorporated as a food group...it's that good.  In fact, I like to count wine as fruit servings.  However, I don't think I'm ever going to master the art of describing wine.  A few words one might use to describe wine would be flowery, peppery, spicy, and woody.  Now, would any of you actually want to drink something with such adjectives describing it??  Please raise your hand now if so.  Maybe it will grow on me...until then, I'm just going to make it up. :)

4.  The guru might need a new name as the instigator (I will share these reasons at a later time); however, I am officially giving this nickname to the person who conceptualized this blog.

I have decided to nickname the individual who conceptualized this blog as "the instigator" as she has not yet officially been blessed with a nickname.   I would love to expand upon this, but I feel as though the blog is already quite long and I have a little bit more to add...so, I will have to do so at a later point.

As a final note, I would like to point out that the blog is famous.  At the wedding, I actually had multiple conversations concerning the blog and potential future blog topics.  I think that it has reached the level that Ace hoped it would (*Jammie pauses and claps for Ace*).  

At Parkers Request

Some may say they are a poet
through rhymes and words they sure do show it
Others, my friends, should pretty much shut it
because their poetry just cant cut it

Sitting at a coffee shop early this morning
a poppy seed muffin and coffee I was drinking
Parker accosting me with incessant texting
Shooting the breeze with a side of teasing

Parker decided I needed to bring her cheese
I told her "at least you could say please"
she responded "dang you are such a tease"
I said "hang on I'm gonna sneeze."

She started mocking my pleasant ability to rhyme
I told her I do it all the time
I if I stopped she told me she would give me a dime
but being Dr. Seuss would be sublime!

I threatened to use this for my next blog post
she told me if I did I sure would be toast
"Do it I shall" became my boast
So thus the randomness of this post

HA... see Parker, I did it, awesome I am
I do not like green eggs and ham
for that plagiary I might now be on the lamb
but the winner of this bet I AM :)

I miss your face

As I sit on my couch, pondering my newfound love for audiobooks that you can listen to while you jog, I am demanded by my dear friend Ace to blog as she has just done such a thing.  This blog was originally going to be a retort to Ace's last post, but I'm not too sure if it will end up that way.  Afterall, I don't know that we should put our arguments in such a public forum.

So, I shall talk about two things, which are completely random and in no way do they tie together.  

#1.  Let's talk about "I miss your face."  

Ace was just talking about how much mileage we get out of the same jokes, which naturally, made me ponder the phrase: I miss your face.  Who would have thought that a short little phrase which was originally written from the depths of someone's heart would now be a running joke/phrase for a good portion of our Division..well the followers of Ace and Jammie at least?   And, we haven't even edited it.  I mean how about changing it to "I miss your sparkling personality" or "I miss your evil laugh."  I suppose they just don't flow as well.  

On a sidenote, does anyone know how often airplanes have to change their tires?  Seriously, have you ever looked at runways to see all of the skidmarks.  That's where the money is made...in airplane tires...  

#2.  Speaking of making money, Ace has decided that we will make our millions on "Socially Constructed Bossiness" and its corresponding medical condition.  I believe this is a real issue; however, I'm not too sure that there's treatment available...besides removing the individual from the environmental setting in which they are developing this condition and placing them in a setting (probably a quiet, lonely place) where they will not encounter the variables leading Socially Constructed Bossiness.  I believe that this would be cruel, awful treatment for that poor individual.  Nevertheless, Ace and Jammie will soon be submitting this condition to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

The End.

Lil miss bossy pants

So today I (ace) was ORDERED to write a blog post. It was not a suggestion, not a question... nope an order.

Jammie: "Ace, you are writing the next post"
I replied: "but what if I do not have anything interesting to write about?"
Jammie: "write about how this morning you woke up with wrinkles and gray hair."
Ace thinking really hard of an evil thing to say in reply... still thinking...
Jammie: "oh wait that was me."

I thought that might have been some joke aimed at the fact that I am now starting the last year of my cool 20's and my impending doom of adulthood and some age starting with a 3 and ending with a Zero is just 365 days away. Thankfully she did not go there.

So here is my post on absolutely nothing... nothing interesting is happening. I'm year older. I'm thinking it will be november before I thaw out from the cold wisconsin weather. I've spent more time with family in the past 2 weeks than in the past 5 years combined. And I am still jobless (well, full-time job-less). So yeah.. how interesting is that? Not really.

But when Jammie demanded that I write the next post something came to mind and I thought I might put it out there for the blogging community to respond... have you ever noticed that Jammie is a little bossy? I mean I am seriously her elder now as I am reaching that coming of age point (some say that is 13... I say 30 is the new 13). I think I deserve a little... R.E.S.P.E.C.T. and I can tell ya what that means to me... and it aint getting told what to do by a lil miss bossy pants. I mean I have the depth and wealth of knowledge that comes with the passing of time... if anyone could flaunt their power by quippy demanding statements, I think it should be the older wiser of the Ace/Jammie duo. I'm just saying my perspective here. But I think others might have encountered similar situations. Like have you had any of the following statements thrown your way?

-Hey woman, answer your phone.
-Hey (insert name here), get in here. (usually referring to someone passing her office door and being called inside)
-Hey woman, get up we are going on a hike. (usually at 8:30am)
- Where is your six-collumn model? (if you get that one... run!)

Wait a second... I think she only says this stuff to me. I think she only bosses me around! Why am I the weak one that she preys upon? Is it because I smell like rancid meat?

Random post about nothing is officially done.
-Ace