THAT's why we can't have nice things...

First, I would like to thank Parker for the title of this post as this would be exactly what she texted back to me when I relayed to her the tragic story below...

Second, I would like to tell you a little story about my day. I've been thinking all day of a pretty awesome blog to post, and I've had my fair share of potential stories to share. I mean, I started the day by literally jumping in bed with Ace and singing to her to wake up so that she could drive me to work in the scary snow. Then, I had multiple people either text me to be careful or check on my drive after I arrived to work (because they're just as terrified to have me on the roads as I am to be there)...in fact, half of Beri even commented on how he was glad I had Sarah to drive me! After this, Ace tells me, "you know for as independent, bossy, and controlling as you are, you still need me," which clearly is a blog post in itself!

But, the story below takes the cake (I wonder where that saying came from...seriously, take the cake?! [pause *Jams googles "take the cake saying"...for more information on this saying (which is from the south!!) see this link])...

So, after picking up my car, mailing a package, vacuuming, loading the dishwasher, and washing the floor, I decide to take a shower (harmless enough, right?)... After completing my shower, I reached down to turn off the water (also a completely normal, harmless activity)...and that's when it happened...I BROKE the cold water. How does this happen one asks? I have no idea! Maybe I turned it a little too hard, or maybe the faucet just ran it's last race. Whatever the case be, after 10 minutes of sitting on the edge of the shower and texting people for sympathy, I realized that I am, in fact, not a plumber. I had just about reserved myself to showering in the sink in the morning when I realized that I may be able to turn the hot water heater down to a tolerable temperature (as it's currently near the temperature of what I think hell might feel like...seriously...). I'll let you know how this works out in the morning...

So, the question is....do I tell Ace, or do I let her figure out for herself?

And, yes, THIS is why we can't have nice things...

Poor Little Youshi

So, one individual in our family rarely, if ever, makes the blog, but today the poor lil dear is the highlight. Now as his mom, I recognize that I may be a little biased on some accounts....although, I will willingly acknowledge that he has terrible breath, sheds like....well something that sheds a lot, and lately, he will sit at the edge of the couch and bark his little lungs out. And, yes, sometimes he scares the mess out of me in the middle of the night when I roll over and he barks like he's being attacked (I sometimes fear that he may eat me in my sleep). All of these things make the pound an ever more looming possibility.

However, from the moment I first saw his little seizure-having self, it was love at first sight. Yup, I love the little freak, and could never send him to the pound... However, sweet little innocent Ace is another story...

In Ace's defense, she does have a history of allergies, and shedding is not the most attractive quality in an animal. And, one of the first times Ace walked Youshi, he did have a seizure in the parking lot...This being said, if Youshi ever disappears....call Ace.

Yup, Ace, the pre-meditated, doggie murderer. Ace will regularly threaten poor little (30ish lb) Youshi with the pound, starvation, removal of the vocal cords, and death. In fact, today, Parker and Ace planned where Youshi would like to have his ashes spread...they also discussed the different murder methods and options of body disposal...doggie murders I tell you. And poor little, clueless Youshi doesn't even know what's coming...

Now you see why I had to use the red pillow???

I'm pretty sure it's 2012... right now

Ok people, a cosmic shift has happened and the world is unaware. I (Ace) feel it is my job... scratch that... DUTY, to let the world know that something of epic proportions has happened. I hate it when it is my job to be the one that has to give bad news. Its a stinky job, everyone hates you... but I guess I'll be the responsible one and just go for it...

Maybe it was brought on by the meteor shower. Is it a full moon? Perhaps it is the Twilight hysteria messing with peoples brains. I have a team of scientists out researching the cause right now. Regardless the cause, it is a reality people... gosh I don't even know how to tell you all ... K, I'll just spit it out...

You know how this blog is really "a chronicle of the adventures of ace and jammie"... well that is just a scam. It really is just a way for Ace to pick on Jams and tell funny stories without getting the *@#^ kicked out of her. I know... I'm just in full disclosure, honesty mode right now. But seriously I'm passive aggressive... or maybe just realize that Jams could beat me to a pulp and this is my only way to fight back. Come to think of it, I let her post on here too... giving her access to harass me... I just realized. i. am. an. idiot.

I digress... this weekend was the epic weekend where the tables were turned and Ace got picked on.

I'm letting that soak in.

I don't know how it happened people, but it did. It all started at TGIF (girls night), and Jams got on a roll of picking on me. It started off as just verbal threats, and teasing. But eventually it turned violent. I honestly can't remember all the things that were said, but when it turned ugly I remember every moment. I was sitting on the couch calmly, being the best of friends and watching endless, ENDLESS, hours of a mind-numbing sport where men in tights throw around a ball (NO it's not figure skating... that at least would be watchable!)... so there I sit bored out of my mind when I feel my glasses getting shoved into my eyeballs by a red pillow that is repeatedly getting slammed into my face. I blacked out and when I awoke a few minutes later, Jams is standing over me laughing like the wicked witch. Tears streaming down my eyes, I ask her one simple question

WHY?

She just looks at me blankly and beats me into senseless obviation.

Or at least that is how I remember the story.

If you could think of a different name for me...

Back after a long period of dormancy are......(*drumroll please*)....ACE AND JAMMIE!! (*crowd goes wild*)

So, last night, after a hearty dinner of spaghetti and meatballs, Ace and Jams went on an adventure to Macy's and Barnes and Noble. Now, these could be quite exciting events...except for the fact that we drove all the way to Macy's to buy makeup...and not just any makeup...the kind of makeup that costs $15 for one stinking color of eyeshadow (Jams openly admits her eyeshadow addiction at this point). Then, we went to Barnes and Noble for not just any book....we went for the 6th edition of the APA Style Manual. Yes, we are that cool. Jams was quite disappointed that they did not have the complete style manual and reluctantly spent entirely too much money on the "Concise Rules of APA Style."

Now, I know that you all think that this is quite enough excitement for one blog post, but it doesn't end there. On the way home, Ace turns to Jammie and says, "My brother wanted to name me a Russian name like Sasha or Natasha...can you even imagine that being my name?" (Ace at this point starts to say Tasha and Natasha in various versions of a Wisconsin Russian accent (yes, there is such thing)). She then asks, "If my name weren't Sarah, what would you think would be a good name for me?" (Note: I did not point out the randomness of either of these comments but definitely thought about the randomness quietly to myself)

At this point, Jams immediately starts to rack her brain as she realizes the importance (and potential disaster) of answering this question. Jams quickly cut out the first three options that came to her mind as they were inappropriate and started to go down the list of other potential names. Ace had also started to think of alternative names for Jams, so the next 3 or 4 minutes in the car would involve silence, followed by us looking at each other to see the fit of the name that we had in mind. Jams arrives at Ashley...Ace says, "Oh, Ash for short...that could work except I only know stuck-up Ashley's." Ace then shares her idea and says, "I could see Jasmine being your name...." After this, Jams exclaims, "Jasmine?!?! Seriously, you couldn't think of anything better than that?!" To which, Ace replies, "We could call you Jazzy for short." Jams can only think of the word jezebel associated with Jasmine for whatever reason and is quite taken aback. :) Ace quickly recovers and replies, "Or, we could call you Ann." So, Ann and Ash it is...

A Man in a Hole

There's a man in a hole in the middle of the street
There's a man in a hole in the middle of the street
There's a man in a hole
There's a man in a hole
There's a man in a hole in the middle of the street

There's a hat on the man in the hole in the middle of the street
There's a hat on the man in the hole in the middle of the street
There's a hat on the man
There's a hat on the man
There's a hat on the man in the hole in the middle of the street

There's a name on the hat on the man in the hole in the middle of the street
There's a name on the hat on the man in the hole in the middle of the street
There's a name on the hat
There's a name on the hat
There's a name on the hat on the man in the hole in the middle of the street

There's a flea on the name on the hat on the man in the hole in the middle of the street
There's a flea on the name on the hat on the man in the hole in the middle of the street
There's a flea on the name
There's a flea on the name
There's a flea on the name on the hat on the man in the hole in the middle of the street

Bedtime Stories

After a long day of strenuous, back breaking labor, Ace and Jams went home in order to change really fast to go on a hike with Parker (Note: This hike used to be waterfall canyon...now it's small stream coming over the edge of a mountain canyon).

Following the hike (and an awesome sunset), Ace and Jams went to their favorite place to eat, Texas Roadhouse, where they ordered the same food they always do. Then, they went home and watched tv until it was time to rest their little heads.

Jams went to bed first, as she usually does. After a few minutes, Jams and Ace had a text message conversation that went a little something like the following:

Jams: I can't sleep. You should tell me a story.

Ace: You have only been in there 2 minutes. Try counting sheep.

Jams: I used to have sheep. Their names were Jack and Jill. Jill was pudgy and Jack won a prize at the fair. He had to pee in a cup...in case he was doing drugs.

Ace: Once upon a time there were 2 girls. The went hiking on a mountain. They climbed rocks, sang songs, took pictures, and watched the sunset. They got eaten by bears. The end.

Jams: Now, I'm gonna have nightmares. Thanks a lot.

Ace: Your sheep did drugs? Didn't he hear that he should hug not drug?

Jams: He didn't do drugs...cept for cigarettes, of course. They gave him a drug test just in case though. There are sketchy sheep out there ya know...

Ace: Lol. Go to bed. Leave the shady sheep for the bears.

Jams: Yes, mam. I'm blogging about our bedtime stories by the way. :) Night!

The End.

Slow and Painful Death (or The Half Part II)

I didn't know I had feet for 4 days.

I couldn't bend down to see them so after a while I forgot they existed. But after taking bottles of advil, following S.Padilla stretching recommendations, and sleeping 14 hours a night I was able to move just enough to realize this morning that I had feet. I could see my toes!!! For the four day's I didn't know I had feet.... I blame Jams.

Seriously you all have stories of when you succumbed to the charms of Jam. She is kind of like the snake in Jungle Book... trussssst in meeeee... and for some reason we all do as she says. So don't blame me for giving in and agreeing to do this half marathon, it really is true that Jam's made me do it!

Here is the story....
4am the alarm goes off. I open my door about the time that Jams opens her door. I'm pretty sure that we could have been casted on the spot for the Halloween II movie... dark circles under the eyes, hair matted... no words were needed for us to start laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of our state. Showers, oatmeal, water, 12 advil.. and we are good to go.

4:35am we are on the road heading to Logan. It is darker than dirt, colder then h*ll, and all that can be heard is the radio.... you know it is early when Ace and Jams are silent. So let me give you a little insight on what might be going on in their heads.... now I only officially know what is going on in one head, the other is complete speculation.

Ace: I don't like mornings. Never have never will. Why didn't I sneek into Jams room last night and turn off her alarms? I could have been asleep in my bed. I don't even like running. We are going to look so dumb being the last people to drag our sorry asses across the finish line. What if we don't finish. We are going to be mocked at work. Like Banana man needs any more fuel for mocking... I wonder if I started giving Jams wrong directions if we will miss the start. I hate mornings.

Jams: skip, skip... oh hey we running a half... skip, skip.

5:30ish am: It is still pitch black outside when we arrive. We have to walk across an entire park of wet grass to sign in. Parker will apprecitate the fact that wet feet is not a fun experience first thing in the morning. I almost break out laughing when the little race volunteers are made to do this little chant and listen to their head volunteer give some instructions. I want to die laughing still thinking about it. Off to the car to stow our sweatshirts and take more advil, and then on to the bus.

Time gets fuzzy: The whole way up we are listening to hard core runners talk about their races this summer. It is all a lot of runner chat that frankly I don't fully understand. I've now become a hard-core Christian and am praying for my life.... ok God, I'll totally go to church, talk to Parkers bishop, confess to Jam's priest, seriously God get me out of here. I'm gonna die! The skinny running people look hungry... I got meat on me, after the race they are going rock paper sissors over my dead body. I am to young to die!

Its about this time that I notice we have been driving a loooong time. And see a mile marker that says 14. OMG... we are driving our running course! It took forever to drive....I'm done. Ready to throw in the towel. Good joke guys... ha ha... let me go back to bed.

Exit the bus and we are hit by sub-zero temperatures (remember we didn't bring our jacket, they are in the car). I really had no idea that we had driven to the freakin NORTH POLE to run a half marathon, but I know that I can't kill Jams right then because the skinny runners would probably try nibbling on her for a pre-game snack. THEN... it happens... Jams decided to tell me our new game plan... we are going to beat the time of Berri (ha ha... good nickname!). Meaning we now have to RUN the course and not just walk it.

Okay... does anyone else here remember our training schedule? Ice cream, pizza, couch sitting... there was no running! I can walk relatively well... occasionally I walk into doors but nothing major... run? Well as it turns out I never knew that Jams could walk fast enough to break land-speed records. I pretty much had to run the entire marathon just to not be left in the dust!

We actually did really well. We were pretty quiet the whole thing... very wierd. We ran/walked at a good pace. Found a group of ladies at the beginning that were going our speed... and made them eat our dust. Then we came across the scary "pink shirt girl." we passed her, she passed us... this went on for 9 miles. The goal was to beat her... (brushing dust off my shoulder)... we not only beat her, we sent her crying home to mommy.

Moments of the race never to be forgotten.... Ace running down a steep embankment to bypass the port-o-johs only to realize she could not get back up the hill, and then had to run for a 1/2 mile to catch up to Jams, only to realize she was covered in burs. Jams, jumping a log for the same reason. Ace being given the hurry up little hand wave from Jams at random moments in the race...(no comment). Seeing the finish line! Sadness in realizing we lost to Berri by SIX minutes... and then hearing them say, "oh, ha ha we were not even trying, we were just enjoying the view."

Moral of the story: when Jams comes at you with snake charm, run away! You won't know you have feet for 4 days.

The Half

So, some people train endlessly for half marathons. There are millions of websites to help you prepare, 12 week training schedules, and even frequently asked question sites for all of those burning questions that you may have.

Ace and I have taken a different approach to these not so original preparation methods. Since beginning to train for our half, we've eaten pizza at least seven times, ingested approximately three gallons of ice cream, and devoured an endless amount cookies, cheese its, and Dr. Pepper (this training schedule is available for those of you who are interested).

We burn calories and prepare to run by watching movies, playing Rock Band, and talking more than any two people I've ever met. Sometimes we feel guilty by all of the time we spend in this strict regimen, so we take a casual stroll around the river near our apartment.

These have all seemed like fabulous training methods...methods that seasoned marathoners would be in awe of....then, Ace and Jams realized that the half was less than six days away.

Now, one may hypothesize that Ace and Jams would fervently attempt to prepare for the half with six days to go. Now, if by fervently you mean watching movies, talking about walking, working, chatting on the computer, eating a lot, and scheduling a tentative walk for Wednesday...you would be correct.

This should lead to one exciting Sunday blog.... :)

(*P.S. This blog is dedicated to Maggi Rothwell (e.g., one of Jam's BFFs) who has endlessly harassed Jams for the last two weeks. Ace and Jams will henceforth attempt to blog on a more regular basis.)

Assessment

13 months ago I was in bliss. Yes it is true, ignorant bliss... that was my state. Then Jams moves here and brings this concept called assessment. Now it pops up in conversations, work, and dating life. I have to admit it is really difficult when you realize that you are fitting a man into a six-column model.

So proof I hang out with my roommate too much. I was trying to decide if I should cut/color my hair and almost posted a survey on Facebook for people to fill out. Can you do assessment on hair? Is there a pyramid for that? Six-column model?

goal... change my hair
method... color and cut
outcome... cuter me
how will I know I reached my goal... random men telling me I'm cute

I'm no good at this assessment sh..tuff. Help Jams!

Dull Existance

So this blog has been really dull lately... mostly due to the fact that we haven't been writing much. It is not that Ace and Jammie are getting boring... nope, nope, nope.... it is that we are out there busily enjoying the many joys of life. Okay... reality check... Ace and Jams have funny things happen but really they both have kind of boring lives. Seriously this is what a typical week holds...

1)Work. Jams does it, Ace looks for it. Well gratefully "Banana Man" (used to be referred to as one part of C2) has employed Ace so that she isn't in the depths of pathetic-jobless-bum, instead she is a part-time pathetic bum. Jams, of course, regularly see's Samc Hurst for her job addiction and work-o-holic tendencies. They say that admitting the problem is the first step to recovery. But yes, the majority of the adventures of Ace and Jammie take place at work. And I wouldn't so much call them adventures but more along the lines of filterless conversations. If that doesn't make sense to you... well be grateful!

2) Working out... or what I refer to as a slow and painful death. Going to the gym is now becoming a regular part of every day life. Spin class, lifting weights, walking around the lake... and the much dreaded bootcamp. I'm not sure if this is actually a benefitial use of time... cause Jams is increasingly getting stronger which means when I say dumb things and she punches me in the arm.. it hurts!!! I bruise.

3) Cooking... Ace and Jams really like food. Really with how much we like food we should be the size of a small house. each. Ace is no cook. I'll readily admit my own weaknesses. (I actually kind of have a fear of people not liking what I cook and get nervous, so I just don't do it). But every once in a while I throw together a mean dish of mac n' cheese, from a box. I did make cookies once too... Cross-stitch boy at work ate them all and he didn't die so I think they were okay. But in reality Jams kicks-a at cooking. I will fully admit that I am the one you should vote off the island if we all get stranded on one someday... cause I'm pretty sure Jams could make an awesome meal out of island monster and coconuts. Just saying... she is that good.

4) Rockband... there are moments, not many, that Ace and Jammie are at home, not working, not working out and not cooking. In those moments one of us will say... ROCKBAND! We actually have a band that is pretty smoking... the Skiing Cheetos... a name made up of two of the greatest things... skiing and cheetos (yum). We practice for the next chance we have to take on Banana Sh*s and T-Bone. There band thinks they are better than us... ha!

So see, Ace and Jammie lead a pretty dull existance. What is there to blog about when all you do is work, workout, cook and play rockband?

Ever wonder who does the cleaning around here?

So, Ace and Jams have spent a lot of quality time together here lately. They spent their entire Yellowstone trip determining how they are different. For instance, Jams thinks everything needs pepper (not salt, ick) while Ace thinks everything needs salt. Jams could eat breakfast food 24/7 while Ace is ok without breakfast. Ace is melodramatic and Jams is sarcastic. We do, in fact, have tons of these little differences. Tonight, I have found another.

After a long, tiring day of slaving away at work, Ace and Jams came home to watch a Harry Potter marathon in order to catch up before the new movie is released on Wednesday. Jams stops on the way home, and picks up the ingredients to make fajitas for dinner. Ace arrives home just in time for dinner (ok, maybe she cut up the onions and peppers), and they sit down to watch Harry Potter. A few minutes into the movie, Jammie decides to give Youshi a bath. Then, after blow-drying him, she vacuums, dusts, cleans the bathroom, the mirrors, the counters, etc. Because, clearly, once you start cleaning it's difficult to stop. All the while, Ace is hard at work....playing Rock Band. Yes, this is where the difference lies. Ace works hard (at playing Rock Band) and Jammie works hard too (at cooking, cleaning, etc). I definitely think Jams is the abused one in this friendship.

hey, guess what Jammie?

We are going camping! In Yellowstone!

Can I use a knife?

Ace here...

So I keep bringing to you, the readers of our blog, proof that I think Jammie wants to kill me. If her telling me that she hates me everyday, or that she takes me to workout bootcamp is not enough, let me give you exhibit C....

It's an early Monday morning. Ace and Jammie are "working" on some assessment crap in her office. Okay, Ace was telling her to put swear words in the survey and Jammie was typing away at her computer completely ignoring Ace. Apparently Jammie likes her job and does not want to join Ace in the world of the unemployed bums. Who would have guessed! The conversation then turned to a friend who recently was in the hospital. Ace commented... "I know of a lot of people that have been in the hospital lately. scary." To that Jammie replied, "You better not have to go to the hospital." To that Ace could have only one comeback... "um you forget that I'm an uninsured bum right now. If I got sick or had to go to the hospital... well we just couldn't take me. If I get hurt just do the easiest thing... just shoot me. like a horse." Instead of the sympathetic reply she was hoping for Ace instead heard this.... Jammie: "I don't have a gun. Can I use a knife?" Ace exploded... "What the crap?! The whole point is to give me a quick painless death not to gut me. Geeze! What the crap? It's true... you want to kill me! I'm blogging about this... actually I'm blogging about this right now. Geeze Jammie! Ouch, really a knife."

So if this was a clue game here would be my guess... Prof. Jammie, in the office, with a KNIFE!

I got nothin...

I haven't really blogged much. Lets just say... Wisconsin trip was a bust. Not at all what I was expecting. I mean seriously we didn't eat cheese till I was sick, no one wanted to go cow tipping, and everything shrunk (the city, my old bedroom, my dads hairline... shrunk). After such disappointment I decided to come home early. Which is sad since we will never know what would have happened with Ace, Jams and Parker locked in the same car for 22 hours. That would have given us blog material for a hundred years. Now we can only imagine (C2 please don't) what might have been.

So get this (Jams doesn't even know this yet because I was too embarrassed to tell her) I missed our exit when I drove back into Utah. I know! How crazy is that!?! After 19 hours in the car by myself here is what happened...

(Ace completely singing at the top of her lungs to a Backstreet Boys song) "Show me the meaning of being lonely.... oh crap where am I... oh crap I just missed the exit... (still talking out loud) Seriously Trescott, that was a dumb move. Oh crap I'm talking to myself out loud and not in my head anymore. I can't believe I missed the exit. Seriously how long have I lived here? Jammie is so never going to let me live this down. Its gonna end up in her next post. Oh well... at least now I'll get to finish the song.... Backstreets back, ALRIGHT!"

You would think that our first night back we would talk each others ears off. Instead I cried, from pure exhaustion, and went to bed. I know! Pathetically lame. Night number 2... I realized Jammie really does hate me. I mean not like this cute little come back line... "I hate you"... when you do something to annoy her. No she really hates me and wants me dead. She pretty much has planned my funeral. True story. Get this... she made me go to this workout boot camp thing. Five minutes into the dang thing I figured out her plot to end my life. So SAT department if you don't see me around on Tuesday then you will know that you aught to question Jammie. I don't think I'll ever walk again at the very least. Sad.

So yeah... I really have nothin to talk about on this blog. Just a little randomness. You may all have fun once again because I am back. So go about being your fun little selves.

Ace

Shortest post ever...

Ace is coming home!!!!! Yay!!! I missed her face, and her department (yes, Student Affairs Technology is already her department) is mean to me when she's gone.

That's it. The End. (yay!)

the day Ace almost died

The serious account of the day Ace found out how close she was to dying.

It was rainy... as were all the other days that Ace was in Wisconsin. Foreboding blanketing the landscape and despair like a mist in the air. Okay... well maybe it was just cold and rainy. Typical Wisconsin. I had driven all the way from Utah and about mid-way I started hearing this clunky clicky noise. Much like the sound when you stuck a baseball card in your bike tire as a kid... just a little louder. Like a typical woman... I ignored the noise. Because the best course of action when you don't understand something is to ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist. BUT... the noise kinda freaked me out when I was driving to Chicago with my sis-in-law. So on the night before I was supposed to leave wisconsin for the long trek back to utah I figure I should probably ask someone about the noise.

Ace thinking: hummm... who should I call? I need someone who is smart on cars, can weld, and probably has a degree in "teaching kids shop class."

Ace looking at her phone: humm.... I don't know if I know anyone like that.

Ace scrolling through the "J's" in my phone book: Oh my gosh.. I wonder if Jammie knows someone.

well, in fact Jammie actually knew the problem with my car and suggested I take it in to get checked out. So early the next morning I went into the shop. 30 minutes later the mechanic comes out and askes me to follow him into the shop. He proceeds to tell me that all of the bolts on my breaks were loose. 2 bolts had completely fallen off. With a good slam on my breaks it would have been likely that several more would have fallen off since all the bolts could be tightened or loosened with his fingers. He explained that he had never seen something like this. And then he said...

"I don't want to scare you or anything, but I don't know how you made it this far. You are lucky. Really lucky to be alive."

Let's just say the dumb-butt who did my 60,000 mile inspection and didn't tighten the bolts on my car and I are going to have words. Serious words when I get back. And that is the story of how I found out that I almost died.

Ace

PS. The adventures of Ace in Wisconsin has been cut a little short. I'm currently in MN and should be back in Utah by Monday. So get ready for some new installments of the adventures of ace and jammie.

Jammie's Weekend (alternative title: Ace's Shoes)

Jammie here...I have decided to share a few things I learned this weekend while the guru was in town... 

1.  We live in a rainforest.

I'm pretty sure that I have forgotten what the sun looks like, and I've decided that Utah has two seasons: winter & the rainy season.  I even consulted Wikipedia (the obvious expert on such matters as weather) to see what it thought about this odd weather, and  I would like to share my favorite quote from this expert source: "Summers [in Utah] are hot and dry, with highs frequently reaching 95°F (35°C), with a few days per year reaching 100°F (38°C). Rain is provided in the form of infrequent thunderstorms during summer, usually between mid-July and mid-September during the height of monsoon season." I haven't yet decided if Utah is confused or if Wikipedia lies.  I prefer the first option as I put a lot of trust into Wikipedia.

2.  You should always have Reese's on standby.

Yesterday (Saturday), the guru and I managed to hike Waterfall Canyon, get pedicures and manicures, get the guru's hair dyed, buy dresses, and go to a wedding (for which we borrowed Ace's shoes [thanks Ace!]...this allowed for her spirit to attend the wedding).  This is quite impressive especially considering that we did all of this on two granola bars and one piece of cold pizza (me) and a Cliff bar (guru).  Needless to say, at approximately 6 p.m., our stomachs were eating our kidneys...this is where guru came the the rescue with Reese's.  These individually wrapped rounds of chocolaty, peanut butter goodness saved our lives, which is why I share this valuable information with you.  

3.  If you don't know anything about wine, make it up.

I thought I'd share with you my thoughts on describing wine.  First off, I love wine.  I think that it's absolutely fabulous and should be incorporated as a food group...it's that good.  In fact, I like to count wine as fruit servings.  However, I don't think I'm ever going to master the art of describing wine.  A few words one might use to describe wine would be flowery, peppery, spicy, and woody.  Now, would any of you actually want to drink something with such adjectives describing it??  Please raise your hand now if so.  Maybe it will grow on me...until then, I'm just going to make it up. :)

4.  The guru might need a new name as the instigator (I will share these reasons at a later time); however, I am officially giving this nickname to the person who conceptualized this blog.

I have decided to nickname the individual who conceptualized this blog as "the instigator" as she has not yet officially been blessed with a nickname.   I would love to expand upon this, but I feel as though the blog is already quite long and I have a little bit more to add...so, I will have to do so at a later point.

As a final note, I would like to point out that the blog is famous.  At the wedding, I actually had multiple conversations concerning the blog and potential future blog topics.  I think that it has reached the level that Ace hoped it would (*Jammie pauses and claps for Ace*).  

At Parkers Request

Some may say they are a poet
through rhymes and words they sure do show it
Others, my friends, should pretty much shut it
because their poetry just cant cut it

Sitting at a coffee shop early this morning
a poppy seed muffin and coffee I was drinking
Parker accosting me with incessant texting
Shooting the breeze with a side of teasing

Parker decided I needed to bring her cheese
I told her "at least you could say please"
she responded "dang you are such a tease"
I said "hang on I'm gonna sneeze."

She started mocking my pleasant ability to rhyme
I told her I do it all the time
I if I stopped she told me she would give me a dime
but being Dr. Seuss would be sublime!

I threatened to use this for my next blog post
she told me if I did I sure would be toast
"Do it I shall" became my boast
So thus the randomness of this post

HA... see Parker, I did it, awesome I am
I do not like green eggs and ham
for that plagiary I might now be on the lamb
but the winner of this bet I AM :)

I miss your face

As I sit on my couch, pondering my newfound love for audiobooks that you can listen to while you jog, I am demanded by my dear friend Ace to blog as she has just done such a thing.  This blog was originally going to be a retort to Ace's last post, but I'm not too sure if it will end up that way.  Afterall, I don't know that we should put our arguments in such a public forum.

So, I shall talk about two things, which are completely random and in no way do they tie together.  

#1.  Let's talk about "I miss your face."  

Ace was just talking about how much mileage we get out of the same jokes, which naturally, made me ponder the phrase: I miss your face.  Who would have thought that a short little phrase which was originally written from the depths of someone's heart would now be a running joke/phrase for a good portion of our Division..well the followers of Ace and Jammie at least?   And, we haven't even edited it.  I mean how about changing it to "I miss your sparkling personality" or "I miss your evil laugh."  I suppose they just don't flow as well.  

On a sidenote, does anyone know how often airplanes have to change their tires?  Seriously, have you ever looked at runways to see all of the skidmarks.  That's where the money is made...in airplane tires...  

#2.  Speaking of making money, Ace has decided that we will make our millions on "Socially Constructed Bossiness" and its corresponding medical condition.  I believe this is a real issue; however, I'm not too sure that there's treatment available...besides removing the individual from the environmental setting in which they are developing this condition and placing them in a setting (probably a quiet, lonely place) where they will not encounter the variables leading Socially Constructed Bossiness.  I believe that this would be cruel, awful treatment for that poor individual.  Nevertheless, Ace and Jammie will soon be submitting this condition to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

The End.

Lil miss bossy pants

So today I (ace) was ORDERED to write a blog post. It was not a suggestion, not a question... nope an order.

Jammie: "Ace, you are writing the next post"
I replied: "but what if I do not have anything interesting to write about?"
Jammie: "write about how this morning you woke up with wrinkles and gray hair."
Ace thinking really hard of an evil thing to say in reply... still thinking...
Jammie: "oh wait that was me."

I thought that might have been some joke aimed at the fact that I am now starting the last year of my cool 20's and my impending doom of adulthood and some age starting with a 3 and ending with a Zero is just 365 days away. Thankfully she did not go there.

So here is my post on absolutely nothing... nothing interesting is happening. I'm year older. I'm thinking it will be november before I thaw out from the cold wisconsin weather. I've spent more time with family in the past 2 weeks than in the past 5 years combined. And I am still jobless (well, full-time job-less). So yeah.. how interesting is that? Not really.

But when Jammie demanded that I write the next post something came to mind and I thought I might put it out there for the blogging community to respond... have you ever noticed that Jammie is a little bossy? I mean I am seriously her elder now as I am reaching that coming of age point (some say that is 13... I say 30 is the new 13). I think I deserve a little... R.E.S.P.E.C.T. and I can tell ya what that means to me... and it aint getting told what to do by a lil miss bossy pants. I mean I have the depth and wealth of knowledge that comes with the passing of time... if anyone could flaunt their power by quippy demanding statements, I think it should be the older wiser of the Ace/Jammie duo. I'm just saying my perspective here. But I think others might have encountered similar situations. Like have you had any of the following statements thrown your way?

-Hey woman, answer your phone.
-Hey (insert name here), get in here. (usually referring to someone passing her office door and being called inside)
-Hey woman, get up we are going on a hike. (usually at 8:30am)
- Where is your six-collumn model? (if you get that one... run!)

Wait a second... I think she only says this stuff to me. I think she only bosses me around! Why am I the weak one that she preys upon? Is it because I smell like rancid meat?

Random post about nothing is officially done.
-Ace

Conversation between Parker and Jammie

This conversation has been copied and pasted from an actual iChat conversation.  Names have not been changed to protect the innocent.

Jammie: ick ick ick i just ate soap!

Parker: what!? Really?

Jammie: yes

Jammie: on accident

Jammie: but it tastes icky!

Parker: sick.

Parker: how did that happen

Jammie: well ummmm

Jammie: it's kinda gross so bear with me....so i was making grill cheese and i had had buttered the bread with a knife and was also using the knife to flip the sandwich

Jammie: so when i pick up the knife to flip the sandwich, i see a spot of what i think is butter right by where the knife was laying on the stove

Jammie: so i took my finger to pick up the butter and eat it (saved a paper towel you know)

and it ended up being soap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jammie: ICK!

Parker: Blog this conversation.

Parker: Right. Now.

Jammie: i can't!

Jammie: icky!

Parker: it's so funny.

Jammie: fine

Parker: I'm laughing my head off.

Parker's Post--Rhubarb

Not everyone is a fan.  Take Jammie, for example.  Having never even HEARD of rhubarb, it was probably not the very nice of Parker to snap off a stalk, break it in half, and let Jams take a big bite. No sugar. No Salt. 
But let me tell you this: it was hilarious.  Jammie's face contorted into so many horrified, betrayed, disgusted expressions that onlookers [Parker, Ace, and Parker's Parental Units] were worried that her face would freeze in a palsy-like condition.  Parker was especially worried that Jammie would be unable to forgive her.  Luckily, Jams is a good sport and has a forgiving soul. 

UPDATE:
When asked to comment, Jammie stated "I had heard that they bake rhubarb into strawberry pies. So I thought "how bad could it be?'  Turns out, it is B.A.D.  It tastes nothing like strawberries. Or pie. Or food."

Hiking with Parker and Jammie

On Friday after work, Parker and Jammie decided to go on a hike down Indian Trail...well, we intended to take Coldwater Canyon, but apparently missed the turnoff  as some of the trails in Ogden are marked so well.  Our hike also involved ice cream and dinner at The Oaks.  Below, I will share three vital things I learned Friday evening that I thought I would pass on to you.

1.  Do NOT burp in public...public also includes the outdoors.  

In fact, it's probably safest just not to burp at all.  As Parker and I were skipping up the mountain, I let out a quiet little eek of a burp, which may or may not have caused the leaves to rustle, ground to shake, and Lindsay to yell that she heard a bear.  As soon as I could exclaim "gross!!!!," a cute little husband and wife and their child rounded the corner and stared us in the face.  The dad was hanging on to the child for dear life so that the shaking ground didn't send her down the mountain.  The dad then said, "don't worry, I didn't hear anything."  Parker and I then laughed for the next 10 minutes.

2.  How do you  tell the difference between a bear and a person?  A person leaves tissue.

This would be the invaluable insight shared by Parker.  As we were hiking along the path, we would occasionally come across animal droppings.  In order to provide entertainment for ourselves, we began to try to identify the creature that left the droppings (yes, this does, in fact, provide entertainment).  After naming a new creature, the melk (moose+elk), Parker decided to inform me of the difference between bear and human droppings, which would be that a human leaves tissue.  Five minutes later into the hike, Parker said that in substitution for tissue, you may also find oak leaves.

3. Ice cream is meant for cones or bowls, not hands.

After the hike and dinner, we decided to stop for ice cream.  I was quietly enjoying my chocolate and peanut butter ice cream while Parker was talking to a person that she knew (she knows people everywhere!!!) when all of a sudden, the ice cream jumped out of my hand!!  Now, there are a few items that I would have allowed to fall to the floor; however, ice cream is not one of them.  As such, I scrambled to catch the ice cream, and caught it by the scoop of ice cream as opposed to the cone.  Parker had no idea of these happenings, but the rather large family sitting on my left got to see it all (and then laughed a lot).  I, of course, did what anyone would do and avoided eye contact with the family and licked my hand to rescue any ice cream remnants.  Then, I casually used my shirt to dispose of the remaining ice cream (I have no idea why it never crossed my mind to use a napkin).  When we made it to the car, I shared the valuable lesson that I learned with Parker.

Trippin to the wisco..

22 hours in the car... seriously not advisable. When looking at the map, Wyoming and Nebraska are deceptively small. I mean, how long could it take to get across a state that hardly seems to be an inch long on the map? Let me tell you how long.... 7 hours, 15 minutes, 3 stops for gas and snacks, and one whole bucket of windshield wiper fluid... every insect on the planet decided to commit suicide on my car that day. Don't worry folks, its gonna be a bug-free summer cause I killed them all. So that was just Wyoming... Nebraska was pretty much a repeat performance but add in watching a storm roll in for 50 minutes. That was cool.

So we (sis and Ace) started our trip at 5:30am. A quick stop for gas and walmart snacks and we were on the road. Not 15 miles into the trip we kill a bird. No joke. I swear the thing pretty much had a hangover from too much memorial weekend partying, fell off his branch, and mid-fall hit our car. I thought for sure my sister was going to start crying 15 miles into the trip. Me on the other hand, I was thinking about if the damn bird left feathers and guts on my car. Eh, by the time I checked there was no way to determine what was bird and what was insect... so I just let them all "hang-out" on my car.

14 hours into the trip and we haven't even made it to Iowa yet.

Can I just say, traveling is a strange experience. I mean we are in 2009. We have modern technology... iPods, computers... we landed on the moon for pete's sake! Don't you think we could have decent roadway rest-stops with restrooms that were cleaned sometime in the last century? And why is it that every creepy dude on the planet stops at these places? And here I was afraid to move in with Jammie! Ha, she is an angel compared to these dudes. She at least has teeth! (whoa, I'm so glad to be 4 states away. The punch on the arm I would have gotten for that one could have left me permanently disabled!) I did see some guys that could really do for that Husband #1 gig. I mean they were rich... smelling, covered in dirt... actually I'm feeling a little queasy jokin about this so I'm gonna stop. I would never ever ever wish them on Jams. Never!

So have you ever watch "Over the Hedge" the kids movie? There is a little squirrel named Hammie. Interesting and silly little chap. While driving the night shift from 5-11 I felt like my face was permanently frozen into the hammie face. Eyes wide, huge grin, and bouncing like I had consumed a river of red-bull. Some kind of strange over-tired, too much caffeine, slightly delirious state of mind. I had bad cell reception and my sis sleeping in the back, so I had to endure myself like this for hours upon hours. And then in 20 seconds it was gone. I was smart enough to pull over right then. Cause seriously I would not have made it another mile. Oh geeze.. I wish I would have some picture documentation of that period in time. I'm sure if Jammie would have been there she could have made fun of me for years to come. As it is... tough luck all... Hammie Ace is forever gone. You lost out!

Oh there is so much more to write about 22 hours in the car... statues of a wolf, watching my sisters reaction to stories about Jammie and I as I tell them in person, eating at the Cracker Barrel, battling my iPod, listening to books on tape, the "lounge" in the back seat, breaking my co-pilot chair... yes there are stories.

But one to end this very long post.... we finally pull into Wisco as the sun is coming up. I grab my pillow and blanket to crash inside. And as I pull my blanket up to snuggle in... I.... smell... well I smell something! For the first time I realize that we (Jammie and I) really do have a new smell! At first I think it smells like Jammie, but then I realize there is a hint of something other than Jammie smell. (Don't tell Jammie, but I cried... ok bawled... cause it brought back good memories and I might have missed my best bud). I guess she was right... I smell! But now she does too!!!

you can't take us anywhere!

This is on our trip to IKEA the weekend before Ace left for wisco. Seriously 4 girls that are addicted to swedish furniture and major goons should not be let loose in IKEA! Shopping in general with 4 girls is a little crazy.

I can flip!

So right before I left for Wisco we had one last adventure. This story must be told, it just it too funny not to have recorded for all of history on our blog. The story goes a bit like this….

The sun was awaken one Saturday morning by the clamor of Ace and Jammie preparing for an adventure. The sun worked with Ace and together they tried to get Jammie to let them sleep in. No luck. Since they knew that fighting Jammie was like running head first into a brick-wall they gave in to her wishes and got out of bed… but not without a lot of verbal resistance.

First part of the adventure… pick-up parker and head to the ranch (her parents house). Okay this made the early morning worth it. Parkers Dad can make a mean breakfast. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be craving this breakfast in the future.

Okay, I always knew that my friends weren’t the most normal. I mean most friends would sit around crying on their friends last day in the state. Not Jammie and Parker. They drag my sad, sorry, fighting behind up to the mountain for a last hike. Now Parker assured me that it was a short hike. And I giver her credit, it was short… but straight up. I almost pulled out a well worn phrase… hey guys what does it mean when your knees almost touch your forehead? (see earlier posts for smart*ss response) But I didn't since I already knew that I would be opening myself up to be picked on. And frankly, I'm not sure I had enough air to squeak out the sentence. So I stayed quiet.

Anywaym we make it to the top, almost died climbing over wet rocks to get right up to the water and then wait 20 minutes for Jammie to find a perfect rock to place her camera for the now traditional group picture. And then we head back…

Just when you think the story is over it just begins. So we come across this dead tree over the path. Ace starts it off by pretending she is walking a tightrope. As Ace jumps off the tree she and Parker hear a little voice… hey guys look, I’m gonna flip! At which point Jammie starts to go through the tree in the attempt to hang from it like a monkey. However, there happens to be just one little stub from a branch poking out. Jams forehead connects with the branch stub. It was a little like watching magnets connect. There was no protecting Jams, or talking her into a helmet… it just happened to fast. I’d like to say that Ace and Parker were those people that rushed to Jams aid with a first-aid kit… nope, instead they both fell over laughing. Jams continued her quest to hang on the tree and was successful. Not even 10 feet down the trail the worlds largest bump is to be seen on Jams forehead. There is no way to describe the horrified look on Jammies face… which of course caused peals of laughter to erupt again.

The whole way down Jammie would be walking along and just stop dead in her tracks.... "guys, it is going to look bad when we go to dinner tonight?" Of course as the wonderful friends we are we responded... "Um no, no way Jams. You will look fine. Make-up will cover it just fine." (Insert internal giggles here and maybe a few sly glances between Parker and Ace with the hidden meaning that we sure hope it still shows cause that would be dang funny!)

Top 12 Signs that You May Be Ace, Jammie, or Parker

12. You talk to each other on Facebook chat, iChat, text message, etc. when you are in the same room as each other...in fact, there are only actually ever two people in the room in instances such as this.
11. You talk in scales (e.g., On a scale from 1-hot, he's on it).
10. You love IKEA (and know that you should never, ever leave cell phones at the checkout).
9. You laugh out loud at things you think inside of your head (this causes people to look at you funny).
8. You know that the Utah trails map that resides in the house of Ace and Jammie is full of lies. (Hidden Valley Trail should not be rated "difficult." It should instead be rated "holy heck, you may die if you pick this trail")
7. You have the ability to devour an entire meal in 30 seconds or less.
6. You feel the urge to hug pine trees on hikes or walks. If you are not Ace, then you feel the need to hug pine trees in Ace's memory (if she's absent for some reason, like being in the foreign country of Wisconsin).
5. You know that the true name of Oreo balls is Oreo drops, Oreo orbs, or puffs of Oreo goodness.
4. You burp really loud.
3. If you are on a walk, and you accidentally make contact with another individual's hand or posterior (as you might have been trying to cram three people on a sidewalk that only fits one comfortably), you feel the need, as the offender, to immediately raise your hand until the victim has released you by articulating your name.
2. You rock, paper, scissors for men (this is the only fair way afterall).
1. You have participated in the friendship ceremony and know that the power to reverse this ceremony lies only within SAMC. This power can only be held by one individual at anytime, and there is no way to know which individual is currently in possession of the power.

Tomorrow is the day of sadness

So now the adventures of Ace and Jammie take a little fork in the road. Jams is being the good responsible adult and staying in Utah to work. While Ace enjoys the life of a bum and is going on a road trip to the Badger State (or cheese and beer state, whatever you prefer). I gotta admit gang, I really don't know what I'm gonna do without Jams for six whole weeks. I mean what will I do without....

...being told I am hated 17 times a day.
...being scared to death by Youshi licking my feet as he walks by
...being forced into slave labor and having to help make oreo globes
...being required to wake up before the sun to go hiking
...being punched in the arm at every lame comment or joke I make
...having endless jokes made about me being a man
...saying 100 times a day, "we should blog about that" but then never remembering what "that" was
...listening to Jammie gloat (the score is Jammie 3, Ace 1) Completely not fair game though.
...being forced to wait half a hike for Jammie to set up her camera to take a picture of us all by remote
...being glared at 100 times a day, for doing who knows what


Oh wait what will I do without...

...traditional fruit on ice cream nights
...Jams amazing cooking
...cute little notes on the fridge
...laughing so hard my ribs almost crack
...laughing at Jammie while she cries at the sad parts of movies
...the hilarious iChat conversations with her "babies." They call me an alien!

I guess I'm gonna miss her face!
I'll keep ya posted of my adventures from the road!

Ace

Honey, I'm home!

So, usually, when you come home from a nice long day at work, you anticipate dinner on the table, the kids already showered and done with their homework, and your favorite pair of slippers waiting for you by the couch.  

Problem is, I don't have slippers, Youshi is the closest thing I have to a kid (and he's a hyper, easily distracted kid, so even if he had homework, it wouldn't be done), and I'm pretty sure I have to go to the store to grab food if I want anything for dinner.  

So, as I open the door and come to terms with that heaping dose of reality, I feel the warm air rush out of the house and smell the lingering odor of.....WAIT!!!!! THAT'S NOT MY SMELL!!!!!

Imagine my horror as less than two weeks after living with Ace, I now have a different house smell.   Now, this smell is definitely not my smell...at least I don't think so (Parker, you will have to smell the house and then my body to tell me if the house smell has permeated my clothing so that we can have a neutral opinion on this matter).  The smell is also not the smell that once belonged to Ace or a smell that belongs to my beloved child, Youshi.

As such, I suppose this settles it.  The house smell has changed, and it does not help to solve the matter of which of us is the man in the relationship as it appears that the home of Ace and Jammie now has a completely new smell.  

--Jams

Speaking of being a man....

So I (Ace) realized that since I'm not a full time worker I have more time. Thus I write more and Jammie get's picked on more than I do. This is definitely not fair. So here is a little humor about Ace on me.

Did you know... Ace was kind of a late bloomer and scared of dating boys? It is true. Factoid of knowledge for ya. Well, let's just say one of Ace's biggest fears when she was 26 was the fact that when she started dating someone she would have to tell them a big bad deep secret.... she had never been kissed. It happened around that time that she started dating a pretty nice chap. On a date with said nice chap, Ace decided it was time to tell him her secret. So after about an hour of gathering up courage Ace slyly enters the conversation....

Ace: So um, we have been hanging out for a while now. I feel like I've known you forever. But really there is a lot we still don't know about each other.

Nice Chap: Um, yeah.

Ace: So wanna know something new about me?

Nice Chap: Um, okay.

Ace: I'm a man!

(insert awkward moment here)

Ace: Ha, ha, ha (awkward laughing) Just kidding! But now whatever I say won't sound so scary!

True story. The conversation that followed was pretty normal and eventually Ace got that first kiss. An experience to be feared no more. But to be re-told a million times, cause seriously... who tells a guy she wants to kiss that she is a man? It could only be Ace... the dumbest smart person and another reason why she got the nickname Ace.

I am man... hear me rawr..... meow!

There is a lingering question... or maybe a haunting question... who is the man in the relationship? This has been joked about in numerous ways since Jammie was kind enough to open her home to me. Apparently it is not possible for two women to live together in quiet peace. No the world requires that one take on more manly traits. I would just like to set the record straight and say... we are both very very strong women.

However, I'll let you be the judge of who of the two "wears the pants." 

Ace: We all know that Ace has selective hearing, of which I've heard is something men do occasionally, but I'm not exactly sure since I probably tuned out most of that conversation, lecture or whatever/where ever it was I was supposed to have gotten that information. Ace also has been known to take out the trash, empty the dishwasher, sweep the floor.... all things that are usually the guys job. However, Ace does this without being told or asked.... so is that really a manly thing or just like any other woman who does a million things in her day? When Jammie has a bad day and talks about it with Ace, she does not just listen but tries to fix it. And wanting to fix things is very stereo-typical man. Oh, and Ace cannot cook worth beans.

Jammie: She can actually fix thing... cars, desks, you name it. Watch her sling around boxes from IKEA and you know this girl has more fix-it power than the average man. And she can pack a car like no ones business. If you are going to move across town, I would call Jammie before a half dozen men. And she would probably be able to carry more than that half dozen men combined. True stuff. The earth-shatteringly loud burps could put her in the "absolutely a guy" category. But then she pulls out that skip... that is so not a manly thing. And Jammie can really cook... I mean who hasn't been wowed by her brownies, oreo thingies... the list goes on. 

Its for you to decide.... 

-Ace

In the cozy, two bedroom apartment nestled in the quaint little town of Riverdale, one might imagine that the conversations of Ace and Jammie are stimulating and thought-provoking. Oftentimes, they are.

Ace:  "Before we run the half marathon, we should not talk for an entire week.  That way, we'll have something to talk about."

Jammie:  "You really think that's going to be an issue??"

*Insert 4 minutes of random conversation here...

Ace: "You've said you hated me 16 times this morning!"

Jammie:  "Nope, only 6."

Ace:  "16!"

Jammie:  "5!"

Ace:  "15!"

Jammie: "6!"

Ace: "14!"

Jammie:  "Do you really think it will be hard to find something to talk about during the half?"

Some of the more interesting conversations occur when Jammie is talking to Youshi like he's a person or when Ace and/or Jammie are roaming through the apartment talking to themselves about a myriad of things.   (Note:  Ace and Jammie talk to themselves when the other person is in the apartment  [sometimes right beside them])  

The most fascinating conversations occur inside the heads of Ace and Jammie.  You can frequently see/hear Ace and/or Jammie laughing out loud at the conversations inside of their own head.  Yes, one might should be concerned about us. :)

We are going on a man-hunt!

So we have failed at blogging this week.... let's just say it has been busy and I've hardly seen Jammie so it is kind of hard to have adventures when the other half of the adventure is being a work-o-holic.

So this weekend Jammies mentor from SD is in town... lets call her "Guru." Actually quite fitting. So yes, she is one of Jams mentors... the other mentor she stole from me and I'll save that rant for another time. So when I got home from a great evening of sushi with parker, her roommate, the boy toy, and kegger (we will come up with a better name I promise)... Guru and Jammie were chatting. Guru explained that there were some seriously good looking guys at the resturant where they went for dinner. Guru tried her darnest to get Jammie to go away so she could work her magic of getting Jams a man (she is a Guru afterall and magic she does have). But Jammie would have nothing to do with Guru's plans. So they left... six men and no numbers. Seriously, I have some work to do here.

So later Jammie and I were sitting on the broken futon chatting and I might of said she needed to go on a date... because that would take the pressure off of Yoshi and I. In my head I was thinking about Yoshi and I having to entertain her, but aparently Jammie cannot yet read my mind. So she beat me within an inch of my life. Proving my point that we really need to get her a boy. (besides the domestic partner jokes are getting a little old and messing up my game with the local men)

SO.... I enlist your support, oh faithful blog readers.... LET's GO ON A MAN HUNT! I will be taking applications for qualified men. I, speaking here for Jammie, think we should start off with either... free dinner man, or husband #1. Per qualifications husband #1 must be rich.... that actually leaves us with a lot of room. Cause he could be rich in a lot of ways... rich in good looks, rich in character, rich in humor, oh god please not rich in sarcasm I won't survive 2 of them, rich in hiking abilities.... see my point. She only said rich. Free-dinner-man also gives us lots of options. But I think it would be best if we find rather odd fellows.... just think about the blogging that could be done! We could have a whole separate blog... 101 dates with Jammie... oh I see another sitcom coming!

As my last will and testament... cause you know she is going to kill me after she reads this... please spread my ashes in the ocean, and keep on with the task of finding Jammie a guy. It is my dying wish that yoshi not have to continue this quest for peace alone.

Wallowing

With the swine flu going around I thought I might get away with a day of wallowing… you know a good ol’ soak in pity, self doubt, or maybe it was just constipation. You never can tell with these things. (btw-that was a joke) I’m not too proud to admit that I’m not exactly perfect. (And if you haven’t already noticed this post might not be exactly along the funny lines). Anyway, life has thrown quite a few curve-balls lately. Some I saw coming and others… well I forgot to put up my mitt and it feels like a damn softball hit me in the face…repeatedly. Those face-balls were the ones I was wallowing about yesterday. I pretty much wasn’t seeing past the end of my nose.

In a moment of clarity I realize how much mud, stink and filth you get on you while wallowing. When you focus on the dirt all you see is bugs, worms, and well other stinky stuff. Ok, I’m not going to get all sappy and say the sun came out and the curve-balls to the face no longer hurt. Cause that just isn’t real life. Some people, I’m not saying me specifically… but people in general… might tend to define themselves by lets say a job they put their soul into. In that moment of clarity I realize that a persons life is defined more by the people they love and who love them in return. (deep I know) I’m surrounded by a lot of love. I had a friend sit with me while I wallowed, a mentor offer a kind words and smile, a sister to listen to me cry… and Jammie. Sure the two of us may be know as the laughter bringers, or pretty much a real live sitcom… but you know I couldn’t wish for a better side kick to weather my current state of life with than Jammie. And I mean that in the most sincere, and non-joking about being life partners kind of serious. The adventures we have, the hours upon hours we spend laughing, the deep conversations about life… that takes an edge off the pain in my face (and maybe if I had a heart, that would hurt a little less too). So this post is a random Ace way of saying thanks…. SAMC Hurst for being the one I can always count on for advice, Parker for being a true friend and hearting me (I apologize for the excessive use of a certain word in this post), the C2 for seeing the individual in me and employing me oh and for your laugher and friendship, for those in the magical world of student affairs that have always been my fans, Sis who is my rock, and Jammie my partner in crime and bestest bud… thanks and you all remind me that a persons worth is more than the work they do but in the people they love and love them in return.

ACE

OK... back to the silliness

Holy a$$ biting strawberries

 I'll have you know that typing this blog will be quite difficult as on the adventure on the way home from Target, I was given specific parameters (yes, it was an adventure on the way home from Target....apparently, I have no idea of the difference between Carl's Junior and Wendy's....this is also where the title of our blog was formed).  Anyhow the parameters limit me from not outlining the blog as a 6-column model as it "takes the fun out" and "defeats the purpose of trying to make me work less."  So, here goes nothing.

Ever wonder what a typical day looks like for Ace and Jammie when they get home from work? 

6:00 p.m.  Jammie arrives home, walks el perro, grabs leftover enchiladas (which were fabulous like 4 days ago...not so fabulous now) and sits on the couch to watch the evening news.

6:23 p.m. (and 43 seconds) Ace arrives home from dinner.

6:24 p.m.  Jammie sits on the couch with a heating pad, whines about her lower back hurting, and reads about "The Four Disciplines of Execution."  Ace sits beside Jammie on the couch diligently typing away on a paper about knowledge management (with a purple ankle from our walk yesterday..we're pretty much decrepit).  In case you were wondering, I have already commented to Ace on the fact that you have to have knowledge in order to effectively manage it.  This is difficult for Parker (look Parker! you made it to the blog) and C2 as we've determined that they are both lacking in this area. (I can make these comments about Parker as we've determined that Parker, Ace, and I could actually be Wizard of Oz characters as we're collectively lacking a brain, heart, and courage)

7:05 p.m.  Parker arrives, and Jammie and Parker leave for their walk.  Ace is still diligently typing away. (the walk typically involves Parker trying to trip little kids, Ace hugging trees, and Jammie getting easily distracted every time a bird flies by).  As Ace was missing, we talked about her.

Parker:  "Is it going to be weird when Ace goes to Wisconsin?"

Jammie:  "Yes, I'll miss her.  I know she's only lived with me two days, but it will already be weird without her."

Parker: "Yeah, it's kinda like that sometimes huh?"  (This was the only precious moment I will ever document, but I figure that every good sitcom needs this occasionally.)

8:14 p.m.  Parker and Jammie arrive back at the ranch.  This is when the Target adventure is suggested.

8:27 p.m.  Arrive at Target.  Our objective is to get cheese and toothpaste (Parker), a notebook (Jammie), and Q-tips (Ace).  

Ace: "Don't go to far, I left my phone at the house."

8:33 p.m.  Parker and Jammie: "Saarrraaahhh!  Saaarrahhh!"  Ace: "Coming! I hear you!"

When Ace finally arrives where we are, we hear:  

Ace:  "Way to leave the kid all alone in the store guys!"

8:56 p.m.  Parker: "Do we have everything?"   Jammie: "Nope, I need a notebook."  Parker:  "I'm hungry"

9:04 p.m.  Ace: "Do we have everything?"  Jammie: "Nope, I need a notebook."  Parker: "Way to stay focused, Jammie!"

9:08 p.m.  Ace: "Cheese and toothpaste?"  Parker and Jammie: "Check"  Parker:  "Q-tips?"  Jammie and Ace: "Check"  Jammie: "Notebook?" Ace and Parker: "Check"  (of course we leave with much more than this) Parker:  "Can we stop at Wendy's?"

When we finally arrive at Wendy's, I order a strawberry shake and Parker orders fries and a burger.

9:15 p.m.  Jammie:  "This shake has real strawberries in it.  McDonald's doesn't have real strawberries."

Parker:  "McDonald's wouldn't know strawberries if it bit them in the a$$."

Jammie:  "I didn't know strawberries could bite someone in the a$$."

I then laughed so hard that the strawberry shake got caught in my nose cavity at which point I say "Holy nose biting strawberries!!"  

Hence, the title.  

The End.

--Jammie

Bored

So have you ever wondered what life is like when Ace & Jammie aren't out there chasing adventures? You would think we would get bored like normal people right? Wrong! You forget we aren't really "normal." We are mold-breaking originals. So what do Ace and Jammie do to avoid boredom....

1) Practice our musical instruments. You see we have a rep (as in reputation) as being pretty freakin awesome at Rockband. It is true. We rock! (pun fully intended) We must practice if we are going to kick SAMC Hurst and C2 (you know who you are and until we think up a better nickname for you two IT nerds it will be C2). So yeah, I'm the one jammin on guitar, and Jammie likes to kick it old school on the drums.

2) We chat. You may think... "duh they are girls, of course they chat." But when I say 'chat' I mean chat via technology... facebook, IM, texting... conversations go a little something like this. 

Ace: um Jammie, your facebook status says you are making potato salad... um you are sitting on the couch.

Jammie: Facebook status has now changed, it says you are a crazy roommate and that we are chatting on facebook.

Ace: that is lame.

Jammie: no it is not

Ace: LAME

3) We paint each others toe nails. NOT. that is so stereo-typical. I can't believe you would think we do that lame stuff. Check out my toe nails, they are gross. Granted they might look better if Jammie painted them, but there is no way I'm letting her by my feet.

4) Honestly, most of the time I'm being goofy and trying to get attention. Jammie is a work-o-holic major big time so she is always being smart and typing away. Someday when she is a Dr-of-assessment (I have no clue why anyone would want a doctorate in that!) then I might feel a little lame that I have a degree in silliness. But until then I'm going to go on being my un-motivated self and maybe someday get a job and work on being funny and having an evil laugh (apparently Parker thinks my laugh is evil sounding).

So all this to say... life around here is never boring. Even when it should be boring it isn't.

ACE

"You Got to Get That Out Before It Stains"

Jammie here...Ace gave me the password hahaha!  

So, the adventures began around 1700 hours on May 8, 2009 on a partly cloudy, slightly cool evening...  

The goal:  Move Parker into her apartment and Ace into the apartment off the Odd Couple before May 9th. 

The process:

May 8, 2009

1.  After two short trips to the tanning bed (yes, we both like skin cancer...we would have gone together because women tend to go to the tanning bed together the same as they go to the bathroom together, but I failed to get my office packed up quick enough)...we load up into my car and head to Parker's.  

2.  After hours and hours of driving through the wilderness, Parker calls and informs us that we're actually moving her from Canada.  Ok, it may have not been all the way to Canada, but it was pretty dang far out.  Five short hours and two trips later (yes, seriously five hours), we head to Ace's old place.  

3.  In one large adventure (envision Ace and Parker with a rather large futon mattress shoving it into the back of a Honda CRV, and Parker's boyfriend and myself lifting a rather large  [I mean...the size of a king size mattress large] bookshelf over the wheel well of a truck while slowly inching along the railing as to not fall off), we move the rest of Ace's stuff into the home of the Odd Couple.

4.  1:00 a.m.  Sleepy time (keep in mind that I usually go to bed between 9-10 p.m....this is not a good sign. :))

Goal Results:  Accomplished, a little later than anticipated, but accomplished none-the-less.

Quotable Quotes:

"You got to get that out before it stains" --Ace (in response to pizza grease dripping on my pants...I told her that unless spit and Dr. Pepper was going to help it, we had no hope)

"Holy cow, that'd be hot" --Ace (I have no idea why she said this, I text messaged all of these quotes to myself so that I could remember to include them...too bad I didn't include context for the quotes! :)  I do know that she quickly covered it up and said "Oh, oh, oh I meant to say that'd be cool!")

Also Interesting to Note:

1.  You should not attempt to force a futon open.  If Parker and Ace say that it won't work, you shouldn't work with Parker's boyfriend to pull it straight.  This is how things get broken.

2.  Jammie has absolutely ridiculous water pressure at her apartment.  This is important as it will appear in a later blog.

3.  Ace has lived in the apartment for less than 24 hours and has already mastered selective hearing.  (After Jammie, the extrovert, excitedly proclaimed the list of all of the things she did in the morning, Ace appeared to have listened.  Later on, when Jammie referenced an earlier comment in her very very important sequence of events, Ace had no recollection.  Jammie is thinking of investigating counseling already as it's hard to hold back the tears even now as she types this).

You smell!

So last night I (Ace) was bring more boxes to my new room at Jammies house. Of course Jammie helped me bring my boxes in to the apt. As we are walking in Jammie gets this odd look on her face and says...

"Hey, this stuff smells like you. Does this mean that I'm going to smell like you?"

As tears rolled down my face and my chin quivered I squeaked out a reply... "Do I smell bad?" Now let me interject something here. When Jammie asked her question it was not like she skipped and was like whoo hoo I'll smell like flowers and roses. No it was more of a nose wrinkle, oh my gosh I'd rather stick my head in a lions mouth then smell like you, kind of comment. So you can now understand my tears. I mean I've gone 2* years of my life not knowing that I smelled like rancid meat. I thought I just had a difficult time making friends in high school because I was home schooled. NOBODY TOLD ME I SMELLED. I guess for that I can't blame Jammie, she was just being a good friend and telling me the truth. But sometimes the truth hurts.

So back to the story... Jammie, laughed at my tears and fumbled with her words and said something to the effect that everyone has a certain smell and that she didn't mean I had a bad smell. I'm not exactly sure. My heart was still hurting so I couldn't listen.

The question remains though.... will I now smell like Jammie, or will she smell like me? And I'm hurrying in to use my last day of insurance to get my smell checked out...

You asked for it!

So by popular demand I've started a blog. Many of you have followed the many adventures that I've had while at WSU via facebook. Most recently the adventures that I've had with my good friend Jammie. Mostly hiking, tree hugging, rockband... those sort of things. But I will soon be starting the biggest adventure of all... living with Jammie! This has peeked curiosity. Many people wonder what funny, crazy things are going to happen when 2 really good FRIENDS choose to live together. Especially when these 2 friends get into a lot of trouble. Fate was laughing the day that we became "almost friends." For as you know, friendship is easily given and taken and "I hate you all" readily given.

So to start off with...

The Tale of Ace & Jammie

Once upon a time in a magical land called student affairs in the township of housing, there lived a cheerful and well behaved girl. The township of housing was full of various creatures and monsters called hooligans. It was a scary land fraught with floods, restricted liquids and burning weeds. A very frightening land indeed. One day in the the magical land of student affairs in skipped a very cheerful and mischievous girl. The world of student affairs greeted her arrival with much rejoicing, since it was rumored that she had the ability to slay the wicked assessment dragon. With a smile, skip and mischievous wink she whipped out her sword "student voice" and the dragon found its self charmed into doing her bidding. The people rejoiced and she forever won the peoples love by making them oreo puffs of goodness.

By the fates one day these too girls met. Goodness and mischievousness combined to create a force to be laughed at and with. Many adventures followed, of which this story is to short to give voice to them all. But alas our two girls had no names. Their names were always used interchangeably by the Knight SAMC Hurst and it got very confusing. So one day the girl from the township of housing was out skiing and made a really dumb comment about a symbol on her hat. Thus she became known as ace. And the other girl was often tired because of her dragon slaying and therefore went to bed early. People to began to call her grandma, but over time that became Grammy and then jammie. And that is how fate would have it. Two girls from different lands becoming almost friends in the magical land of student affairs. There were many adventures to follow....